The Kindest Ideology

I only believe in infinite compassion.

I only care for self-deprecating empathy.

I only want people to be gentle.

Because it is easier to be mean.

Easiest to write people off as stupid.

I'm not stupid and I'm definitely mean.

But I fight it.

I fight my capacity for ripping people to shreds

Because it isn't worth it.

I want you to doubt yourself.

I want you to fear that you aren't understanding people enough.

I want you to fear that you have never attained true knowledge of mind.

Because this is the issue I'm pointing to.

I'm pointing to empathy and understanding.

I'm pointing towards a tendency to generalize.

Something I've written so so poorly on.

Something Collingwood has written so clearly on.

I will not generalize about you.

Just kidding, I do it all the time.

But then I chastise myself.

Because, quickfire, I feel ashamed. I tell myself to rethink.

To PARTICULARIZE.

Because the opposite of generalization is not specificity.

It is particularization.

I am a monster.

The craziest, gentlest monster you've ever seen.

There is humanity burning through the backs of my eyes.

I won't let it stay there.

Because the only place it can go is out.

Out and into your heart.

Because, quickfire,  I want to love you.

And I want you to love me.

Because all of my loving is just a desire to be loved.

And I'm not happy about it.

I'm pissed.

And, you better know, I fight that anger.

I rationalize it into the pain that I know it is.

Because, quickfire, are we bound to be alone?

Or be together like a stone is with a stone?

Quickfire, I cannot settle down.

I am in a lot of pain.

Because, quickfire, I am receiving what I asked for.

I feel what I know I wanted to feel.

And the pain feels better than I thought it might.