Girls

Girls are a remarkable band.

I still remember the night that my friends went to see them and I declined to go.

It was September of last year. I was working at Belle Epicurean and wasn't receiving many hours. I hated the job and wanted out of it.

Also, I simply hadn't learned to appreciate Girls yet. I had heard their albums, but hadn't really listened to them yet.

Then something clicked and Oh!

What excitement they gave me! What emotional release they enabled me to experience.

Girls truly helped me express myself.

Lately I find myself dwelling on their lyrics.

In particular, the song 'Broken Dreams Club'.

Which I will now turn on and listen to.

The lyrics express things like

"There's still so many people poor.
Can't get my head around these wars.
All of this senselessness.
I'm feeling so helpless.

So many people live and die.
And never even question why.
All of their dreams are gone.
How do they carry on?"

And then we really feel the pain with this line:

"I would like some piece of mind
I've got such a heavy heart.
You were broken down before
You had a chance to start
And I just don't understand
How the world keeps going nowhere"

Oh, the pain.

You can tell they are down about some stuff.

Oh well!

I am and I'm not.

I feel great about my life. I do great work at my jobs. I try to do good work on my own at home. I try to do the right thing for myself and for others.

Sometimes I mess up and I complicate someone else's life or hurt someone's feelings.

But so what.

I have my own things going on.

And gosh is my intellect on fire these days. My reading my writing my madness.

All of it is taking off pretty hard.

I can't escape my thoughts. They are tearing each other apart, rendering themselves into new things all the time.

I'm still so close to writing.

Still so close to doing such good things.

I still love learning.

But I would be lying if I told you that my intellectual productivity wasn't accompanied by personal and emotional tumult.

Because it is.

I feel very emotionally volatile. My life feels very unstable. I have no idea what I'm going to be doing in the coming year or two.

And I'm okay with that. I know that I just have to keep pushing forward. No choice in that matter.

My heart won't stop beating for a long time (hopefully), and the sun won't stop moving for even longer.

I intend to keep living as passionately as I can.

Because I'm fine with the fact that intellectual productivity and creative output might sometimes be accompanied by bouts of instability or volatility.

Poets often go mad.

Good. Sometimes I feel like a madman.

I'm crazy as hell, and I'm not gonna keep it in anymore.

For now I'll just lament with Girls:

"I just want to get high
But everyone keeps bringing me down.
If you know something I don't
Come on and help me out
Cause' I just don't understand
How the world keeps going nowhere"