Subtraction.

"I'm trying hard not to try so hard," says a song that I really like.

A paradoxical idea that leaves a humming in my chest. It strikes me in a way that makes me uncomfortable.

Effort is a problem. For me, in particular. For modernity, in general. I want to be more relaxed. Even in this moment I am trying to let this writing come naturally to me. But it won't.

I'm working very hard at writing this. I don't know why.

I've stopped trying so hard these days. For a few years I was pushing myself way too hard. I was grinding away, thinking I was going to do something. Now I don't know what I'm going to do.

But is it really possible to put effort into not being so effortful? Is this something that can be done? Or is this looking to the poison for a cure? Can one think oneself out of thinking too much? Or is one just falling back into the same error?

A + B = C.

Problem + Proper Action = Solution.

Anxiety + Effort = No Anxiety.

But what if not?

What if the heart doesn't work like an equation? (duh.)

What if the problem is simply removed? Simply overcome?

What if the equation is wiped clean?

What if I just don't have a problem?

This is an idea that I am incapable of expressing clearly.

Nassim Taleb is offering me some help on this idea. I'm reading his chapter on subtraction, Via Negativa.

He claims that his main epistemological tenant is this: "we know a lot more what is wrong than what is right, or, phrased according to the fragile/robust classification, negative knowledge (what is wrong, what does not work) is more robust to error than positive knowledge (what is right, what works). So knowledge grows by subtraction much more than by addition..." (Antifragile, 303).

Taleb at one point mentions Lao Tzu and the concept of wu-wei, 'passive achievement', or 'non-action'.

"Make haste slowly."

All of this rhymes with some of the other thoughts that I am working towards. The essay I've been waiting to write is one on the way the understanding ought to trump planning or prediction. I'm trying to learn to not try so hard. I'm trying to free myself from willful willing. Taleb is a powerful ally in this quest. He advocates a non-predictive view of the world.

Something very foreign to the modern world.

For him, this is something that is mostly subtractive. It is about removing things from our thinking and our living. Not adding.

So where to place our effort? What to do...

Do I try hard to not try so hard?

Or is there just a way to not try so hard?