Ughhh I'm trying to get dressed to go eat thanksgiving dinner at someone's house and all my clothes are so tight. I won three pairs of Dockers Alpha pants (which I like a good deal). Two of them are now missing buttons because they are so tight and the third pair is so tight I don't think I can wear them. I've got some jeans on and an old favorite shirt and a cardigan and they are all sooooo tight.
I've never experienced such tightness before.
They are tight because over the last six months I've made several changes to my life. I've joined a gym and I regularly lift as much weight as I possibly can. I've increased my caloric intake to a level that I never knew before. I've put on 20 pounds. Plenty of muscle, some fat.
I was a child the last time I encountered this issue of outgrowing my clothes. I didn't even care then.
This feels like a new experience, given that now I buy my own clothes and that this growth is of my own doing.
I mostly have half-baked and undeveloped ideas about what I'm doing to my body or why I'm doing it. I've been reflecting on it some, but I haven't yet really grasped my behavior. Why exactly am I doing this? What exactly is it that I've been doing? Why did I start and why do I continue?
It touches on a variety of issues that I like to think about: the question of the relation between the mind and the body, the question of strength (both mental and physical), the question of strength and vulnerability.
All of this has occurred to me as I've been working to change my body. It's occurred to me to write about. But I've not yet felt the urge or the need. I had some free time just know after putting on my clothes and felt like jotting this down.
I'll give a closer look at these issues at some point. In the meantime, I'll continue to wonder why I'm lifting big weights as I lift big weights.
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