The Ease of Anger. The Power of Love.

I can remember a moment.

It was probably early 2007. I was listening to The Smiths. I was walking up a flight of stairs near the University of Maryland's gym.

I remember the lyric: "It's so easy to laugh. It's so easy to hate. It takes strength to be gentle and kind."

Such a bomb that lyric dropped on me.

Perhaps Morrissey is no philosopher and I shouldn't take that lyric too seriously. But I do.

It is easy to laugh, easy to hate, easy to be angry.

For me, at least, it is easy to be angry.

I was angry most of today, most of this weekend.

I had no patience for anything. I was snapping inside.

I, of course, was polite to my customers. I worked hard, I did what I had to do.

But I wasn't happy about it. Not at all.

Yet I need to remain strong. Love takes work. I need to stay strong.

I remember once when someone told me they wanted to see me angry. My answer: 'You wouldn't like me when I'm angry'. Then I turned huge and green and ripped their head off.

Just kidding.

That person never saw my anger.

Most people never see my anger.

I don't want them to see my anger.

I don't want to see my anger.

There is nothing in anger to be lauded. I do not think anger a virtue. I think it a shortcoming. I think it a failure.

Anger is a defense.

To think anger as essential is to fail to see the true origin of our emotions.

Anger is always a defense against pain, against embarrassment, against shame, against what have you.

So why does anger come so easily to me?

Because my emotions are fucking intense, man.

I'm a freak. I'm bursting at the seams at every moment. I can hardly contain myself.

If only I could find the words.

If only.

Hey. Guess what?

I don't need those words.

Because, ugh.

I just know it.

I know that it is easy to be angry.

And I know that Rilke is right when he tells me to trust in what is difficult.

Because life is difficult.

Life, too, might be simple.

But just because it is simple doesn't mean it isn't hard.