Beethoven Says

If there was a fire that burnt

On my tongue I would

Scream until I made it

Into ice shaped like tongues

I could be the coldest

Of my generation or otherwise

I could be a steaming container

Of melted anything

Because I won’t be the one

That says it all

And I won’t be the one

To say what I really mean

But I will be the one

To mean what I really feel

And to really mean it

I sat in the crowd and I

Thought of my body

It felt denser than ever

And it felt lost in the thought

Of every other body and

All of their innards

It lost its weight because

It was heavier than before

It was different than before

It was different than before

It wasn’t the same as before

It was as if the other ones

The other people

Had all taken me with them

They had put me inside my

Skull and made me do it

They told me that I would be

The one to take it apart for them

To make something whole

Because distraction wasn’t enough

Because beautiful noises weren’t enough

Because their wonderful minds had

Imploded at the sight of my brain

Its bloody lines that feed

Everything about me

All that time I just wanted

To love them more

Than I loved myself

Because all I really wanted

Was to love myself as them

I wanted to use their eyes

Like a pair of rose tinted shades

A way of seeing myself

That was in full 3d

And that did justice to

The size of my cranium

And the violence of its contents